(siempre nos tropezamos con la misma piedra)

inspired by mexican folklore (....) this phrase deserves some attention.
Why don't we learn from our mistakes, wipe the path clean and rinse out the pebbles along the road?
It's so annoying when you keep falling on them over and over,
plus my knees are really starting to hurt!

I've tried everything, wearing flat shoes to prevent me from tripping, walking really slow to make sure I spot the stones in my way, but nothing helps. If only you look away for a second, you can bet that the little pebble is there to make you stumble and fall flat!

It is as if there was some strange sort of (anti-)gravity.


yesterday I had a strange flash-back of intense happiness caused by nothing at all.
it was an amazing feeling that was not accompanied by the usual bad after-tasting "but...."
I know people judge me every day, but usually I don't let that get to me
it's first when I am faced with complexion and incomprehension that I take offense

Right now I'm in the middle of a dilemma that is causing me increased mental labor force.
Obviously there is something about me that I am not aware of and others can see.
something that creates confusion, fear or nervosity?
The thought really disturbs me.

déjà vu...

If you'd let me, you know I would do anything for you.
But you won't
you won't.

tell me who will save your soul?

system overload.

My mind has a tendency to run off in any given direction at the slightest sign of anything.
I guess where other people have some sort of mental breaks,
my thoughts just keep running, nevermind the red lights or the bumps in the road.
This is a very unattractive flaw and I wish there was some way to control it.
Especially when it affects other people that really have done nothing except happened to come in the way of my thoughts.
(Like a rabbit caught in my head-light)

The last days I've been thinking and the conclusion is that I have become increasingly impatient. I did not use to be like that, but now it's like everything is slipping through my fingers and nothing is worth waiting for, it's got to be right now or I freak out. I've got to be in control of everything or it's all messed up. What's up with that?!

psychobabbling again.

I'm either wasting my time or losing an opportunity. It's always like that. The Scarsity-principle haunts us!

I took the road less travelled.....

I think it is a factor of human behaviour that we work more efficiently when we have a clear goal. Nobody likes to work hard without knowing what the consequences will be, what the payoff is going to bring.
Now I'm trying this new strategy where everything leads to something. (Some might say I am turning my nowhere into somewhere, cause it really is like that)

Applying for internships makes reality more pressing, like something just around the corner. And it can be something really leading to something else, something important. I think since I have come to Jönköping I've realized a lot of things and I am interested in areas that I did not know anything about before.
Sometimes I feel like im a a Tabula Rasa everytime I move somewhere. It is kind of a disturbing thought, yet sometimes comforting. I am a pile of clay, can u shape me?


I'm not gonna say Carpe Diem, cause that's too much. But you get my point.

homesick, cause I no longer know where home is.

finding all my previous motives
growing increasingly unclear

all the other options held before me
would wither in the light on my plan

inertia creeps

If you plucked a special moment from life and framed it;
were you defying death, decay and the passage of life
or were you submitting to them?

I often get the feeling that there is something in the way. Like an invisible blanket placed on top of my world.
Today it feels like I am struggling underneath a gigantic pile of blankets.
All my projects are scattered all around me, in an immaculate pattern of inertia.

The person who thinks in front of us abandons us. A very slight betrayal rouses us:
We miss her a little, she who is (only a little bit here) - absent.

babbling about subjectivity

Communication is everything.

I think I was raised without ever realizing this, but now it is becoming increasingly clear to me. If you want something, you ask for it. If you are disappointed, let them hear it. If you don't know- find out!

Well, communication is also a powerful manipulative mechanism. I know I can twist words, I can bend phrases and I'm all about the wordplay. But when it comes to speech I am handicapped, mutilated- you might even say undeveloped.
Sometimes I think that if I knew how to take my written wits and whip them into a verbal frenzy... I could actually do things that I would not even consider now. And as you see, I am still just writing about it, so... no need to go get your weapons.

In the end, language is just a system of understanding the world. Yeah, sure, it's well and sophisticatedly developed, but in essence it's comparable to a traffic-light. Green for Go, Red for Stop. Something that stands for something else.
The signifier that gives the signified. L-O-V-E means Love. But Love means nothing. It is merely a shape of lines on a paper or a computer screen. What is the difference between F-R-I-E-N-D and L-O-V-E? - Nothing.
And, of course, everything. Language is biased, constructed, unreliable!
Words mean something to you, but something else to me.
And communication is finding the platform where the siginifer always generates the same signified.
Where your words light a bulb in my mind.

St. Friendship's Day

This is what matters, this is the important stuff. this is LOVE.
No mind games, drunken riddles or pressure.
What is it that makes us not satisfied with this?!
I'm putting my foot down. I'm settling.


It seems never enough. The stream of thoughts, of words that are dying to come out and find their right path, but I won't let them. Instead I let them swirl around like goldfish in my head, forgetting each and every time that they've already been there.
I really like the thought that confusion creates a more developed brain and new synapses and everything. But lately I'm thinking it might just be a nice concept to think about, and not really true at all. I am always confused, I should be some sort of genius by now.


the completely innocent bruises on my body represent a strange kind of stigmata. They stand for something oh-so-different, yet they are in perfect harmony with my state of mind. They are mind-bruises, heart-bruises, soul-bruises. But on the outside. Make me think about this passage that I love by Hélène Cixous, from Stigmata.

"Scar has the advantage over cicatrice of being only one syllable, a hard, scary and blinding note. Unlike scar, stigmata takes a way, removes substance, carves out a place for itself. I want stigmata. I don't want the stigmata to disappear. I am attached to my engravings, to the stings in my flesh and my mental parchment. The literature in me wants to maintain and reanimate traces."


Desire is usually highly unmotivated
What's so great about you, anyway

Adieu, dit le renard.

Adieu, dit le renard. Voici mon secret. Il est très simple : on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur, l'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

Ignorant is bliss
, says Kate Voegele

Verlain replies; C'est bien la pire peine de ne savoir pas pourquoi.

I know I like to make statements that are black or white, and I don't like to meddle on the middle.
I'm a sucker for the big words, the fancy gestures and I like to have my mind made up about things.
But there are, I must admit, things that cannot be put in these neat boxes. Things that, when you think about them, they make your brain turn somersaults and you're looking down one second only to see the sky the next. No time to lose and you cannot really afford to stop for breath.

Maybe I could have been something you would be good at?

Moving on, no need to dwell. No breath to catch, no time to kill.
1, 2, 3....toca la pared!

Ada' tu tareeqi mais ca vaaaa

Sunshine changes everything. I know, I am Swedish, so I should be used to the ecessive darkness. But I was born in the wrong country by mistake so the rules don't apply to me.

Petty problems seem a little silly in the light of the day. Who has time to waste on thinking about schizofrenic people and injustice on a day like this, lmouhim?
I am turning it around. I am finding my somewhere. And I am going to do it with or without you. Given the recent development of events, I am putting the emphasis on without. But that is OK.

I am OK!

/You want me?
/Fucking come on and break the door down/
/I'm ready/
(With a gun and a pack of sandwiches)

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