I need new words
some thoughts I have not thought before
phrases to send me flying
and stories that keep me awake at night.

"Whoever would believe any of this, she wonders
kissing the tight strings of her lovers desire.
But they'll miss it when it's gone

Alfred Edward Housman

He would not stay for me, and who can wonder?

He would not stay for me to stand and gaze.

I shook his hand and tore my heart in sunder

And went with half my life about my ways.

..all the playful misspellings...

some people are just little attorneys.

I am finding myself ever more torn between two ends of the spectrum. I cannot choose my position.
For fear, perhaps, of what that will entail.
Or out of stubbornness and mere reluctancy to move on.

I float in my own personal ocean of quotations looking for a sign.

There are those who say temptation can be barricaded beyond the door.
Those who think stray desires can be driven out of the heart.
Maybe they can; if you patrol your weak points day and night;
Don't look.
Don't smell.
- Don't dream.

Biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fischer said there are in fact three separate brain systems for mating and reproduction:

1. the craving for sexual gratification
2. focused attention and the craving for a particular individual
3. attachment, the feeling of calm and security with a person

The three brain systems are often interrelated and allows you to feel deep attachment for someone, have romantic feelings for someone else and sexual desire for a third.

Is the human basic conflict then to decide what to do with these conflicting emotions?

The actress hasn't learned the words you'd like to hear

I have learned this: it is not what one does that is wrong,
but what one becomes as a consequence of it

Oscar Wilde may have been a tad full of himself, but sometimes he puts it exactly as it is.

After a discussion about right and wrong and whether we adjust to the norms only because of the threat of being punished for our mistakes, I got to thinking about it.
Are we only bad if someone knows about it?
Should we in fact strive to maximize our pleasure and minimize pain whatever measures, no matter what?
Ignorance, denial, avoidance...

It is not shocking that a "wrong" does not feel wrong until you are faced with consequences.
Before that you are fulfilled with the initial euphoria of "getting away with it".
You get away with it, you take a little more and a little more until there is no more to draw on.
Oddly, your hands should be full with all that taking but when you open them there's nothing there

And that's that I guess
(Lovers are thieves, and that's that)
That is all there is.
The desire to act despite the prohibition
And the chaos that follows discovery.

a piñata of revelation

Everyone suffers from their personal illusions
Sometimes you just need someone to point them out
Cause once you hear that |GLASS SHATTERING|
you know you've been living in a daydream.

Castillos en el aire in all their glory, but
There's no smoke without fire.
Someone lit my fire and kept it burning long enough for me to believe it.
Maybe cause he needed the heat.
Maybe because of some personal illusion of his.
Maybe for no reason at all.

I'm trying to get rid of all this smoke
but it has invaded everything, my house, my head, my heart
I keep washing my hair, but the smell won't go away.

the risk reveals the value

It is no surprise that the people you rely on the most
are the ones who can screw you over the easiest.
This is something I should have learnt by now.
-Be aware, and don't get in the way.
Get out, run away.
Dont make eye-contact....

We can keep pretending for the rest of eternity that we never met.
-Convenient enough?

Anyways, I'll risk everything
cause as previously established, I've got nothing to lose.

proverbial bliss, proverbial loss

"You can't lose what you never had"
One of those clichés, so worn out that they've lost most of their orignial meaning.
Besides, do we ever really have anything?

Mutatis mutandis, lately I am feeling the implications of the cliché.
And just as Oscar Wilde says that nothing is as hard as being separated from someone you just met,
so, the most wrecking feeling is to get what you want for a tiny second
and then give it up to never get it back again.

As always, the importance is found in the smallest details.
the smell and the angle of a neck
and in the indescribable feeling of being ultimately present in the Now
(This may not last but this is now. Forever is composed of Nows)

.consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

The end justifies the mean, but what does that really mean?
If I was the mean, what was the end?
Is this the end?

Notes from Gramsci

For most of the day I have been struggling with Antonio Gramsci's Prison Notebooks, and although at times it is painfully philosophical and extremely far to the left, it is sometimes even enjoyable. If nothing else, than for the mere joy of reading the written language of a man who calls his writing things like "A collective intellectual", "the Theorem of the decisive proportions", and "Investigation of the concept of Human Nature".

Freely translated, Gramsci says that philosophy is the critique of- and the victory over- common sense. Because common sense is nothing more than a collective ideology that we have inherited and been fed since we were born and in fact, common sense stands in complete opposite to good judgement.
He also discusses what being human means and focuses upon the organic feature of humanity, by defining each human being as a process or her actions. This means that individuality is derived not only from the individual, but also from other human beings and from nature itself. These human relationships are also organic, in the way that each person changes and modifies himself through the changing and modification of the complexity of his relationships with others and his surroundings. Finally, we truly become ourselves when we become fully aware of the nature of these relationships.

Good, old, red Gramsci also generously reunited me with one of my favourite -isms that I had completely forgotten about.
Sophism: a) A plausible but fallacious argument
                b)  Deceptive or fallacious argumentation

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