do what can't be done, live the way you never imagined

hours and days pass by like greyhounds chasing a phony rabbit
and before I know it I'm not the new girl anymore,
it's not my new job and the place where I live is just my home.
Strange, isn't it- change?

Someone said that human beings are continuously torn between two tendencies;
the will to belong to the flock and the desire to indulge in one's individuality.
No wonder we need prozac.

I guess I was always the more indulging type, though I sometimes faked belonging.
- taking the easy way out, putting an armchair in my stomach and let others make my choices.
Sometimes fighting your own battles takes all the strenght you have.
And for only a second or two you flirt with the idea of letting someone else take the punches.

Indulging in your individuality has everything to do with difficulty.
Embracing yourself is not supposed to be easy,
it's about breaking the patterns set for you by others.
Only the impossible is worth the effort and why would you live your life doing things unworthy?
Lately I am overwinning fear and hesitation every day
Realizing how easy it is to let others affect the way you believe in yourself.
And how much better it feels to prove yourself wrong.


We are all a little weird and life's a little weird,
and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love"

                                                                           - Dr. Seuss

/Drinking what used to be sin/

Somehow it's the borders,
always the limits that are interesting.
Almost crossing the line, the walking just near the edge
not knowing what will happen, never knowing.
Anticipation. Hope. Excitement. Dreaming.....

Is that why I had to be the other?
Because normalcy is just too mundane for me?
Am I really that arrogant?
Will something ever be enough?
Could I settle, stop looking, just be complacent.

Some people spend all their lives looking for someone that will keep them safe.
I spend mine searching for the opposite.
I don't want to be kept safe, put an armchair in my stomach and stay there.
The comfortable scares me, the difficult challenges me.

The impossible wins every time...

The Dream is a Frozen Fear

metaphorical graffiti @Karlshamn

Cardiac Force Majeure

Force majeure is used in legal contexts to mean something which releases both parties of a contract from liability because of some external factor impossible to control or affect, usually referring to natural disaster, war and uprisings.

But what about the supreme force of the capricious heart?
Completely and utterly disrespectful of any personal stakes or preferences, emotional repercussions,
the heart plays to its own tune.
It invades whatever territory it sees fit, crosses borders, puts up camps without asking permission.
The heart takes hostages, it floods unknowing empty spaces and destroys all resistance.

They say all is allowed in love and war.
Not legally binding in a court room,
but surely, acts of the heart should be considered subjected to the force majeure clause?

It's who you touch and how you feel it. Do you feel it?

Recently I've been thinking about compatibility.
About choices, big choices. And about relationships (big surprise).
Someone's inspired me to challenge my own perspective, but also to see that I may not be wrong
- just different.

/not lost- just undiscovered/

Well, this thing about relationships.
Meeting someone, opening up, settling down and going on with your life.
Something about it just isn't right.
I'm not a space for someone to call their home. I don't like the idea of being refurnished.
The thought of moving slowly together into a safe, calm  and comfortable future, discarding dreams and adventure scares me.
Call me crazy (and so you do), but I am too restless for that.
wild at heart.
I want the busy morning cappuccino in Milan, the sky of Rio de Janeiro and the wind on the shoreline.
I crave the unknown, the passionately difficult, the drama of not knowing but believing.

Sweep me off my feet, don't just take my hand.

Cause or effect
-who knows?

Casa de la Fox

My second work week has come to an end, full of meetings, travelling and impressions.
A heavy week, but very rewarding.
Today's conference on economic growth and development was so interesting and I had the opportunity to meet committed politicians and local government functionaries with key positions in business and trade.

But, because of all these engagements, I haven't had a chance to enjoy my newly furnished apartment during this whole week. I just received "I is another" by James Geary and will enjoy it in my lovely living-room with a glass of rosé. TGIF :)


Friday quality.

Serendipitious finding

There is a bookstore in Vienna.
Well-hidden among the winding streets of the Jewish Quartier.
Perfectly located up there, seemingly frozen in time,
not letting modernity come near.

You enter it like you open a treasure chest, slowly and in awe.
Sensing the different air, the smell of secrets well kept, of mysteries waiting to be lived.
The feeling reminds me of Ruiz Zafon's Shadow of the wind.
Books are powerful like that. They leave imprints. They open new worlds.
And they never leave you unchanged.

visit Shakespeare&company to see what I'm talking about.


shedding some light on the allure of darkness

There is no darkness that hesitates slightly to enter.

It seems the destiny of humans, this continued struggle between dark and light
fear and courage, defeat and victory.
Is it true that darkness hesitates less to enter than light?
Why is it so much easier to succumb to fear than to rise up to courage?
(metaphors creeped in, can you detect them?)
Do we really welcome the darkness, favoring it over light?
It is always easier to believe an insult than a compliment, but what does that tell us?
Perhaps it is not a sign of extreme modesty, but mere laziness.
Indifference, bordering on depression requires next to nothing,
while courage, strenght and happiness need a lot of work.
Can we simply not be bothered?

-Laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life is not a paragraph
and death is no parenthesis.-

But what about the burden that keeps our lives true?
What about the unbearable lightness of being, the importance I give to difficulty
and the impossibility of accepting anything that comes easy?
A crash-course in deconstruction punctures any alleged dialectic between dark and light.
Maybe it is all nonsense.
shadowy limbo.a beautiful twilight.

Snapshots from a work in progess


I had forgotten about the chaos that moving is.
The place is cleaning up nicely, though. As you can notice, as orange as usual...


Vanilla scented candles are now burning for that homely feeling.
And Andrea Bocelli playing on full volume.
Welcome home!


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