proverbial bliss, proverbial loss
One of those clichés, so worn out that they've lost most of their orignial meaning.
Besides, do we ever really have anything?
Mutatis mutandis, lately I am feeling the implications of the cliché.
And just as Oscar Wilde says that nothing is as hard as being separated from someone you just met,
so, the most wrecking feeling is to get what you want for a tiny second
and then give it up to never get it back again.
As always, the importance is found in the smallest details.
the smell and the angle of a neck
and in the indescribable feeling of being ultimately present in the Now
(This may not last but this is now. Forever is composed of Nows)
.consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
The end justifies the mean, but what does that really mean?
If I was the mean, what was the end?
Is this the end?
Notes from Gramsci
For most of the day I have been struggling with Antonio Gramsci's Prison Notebooks, and although at times it is painfully philosophical and extremely far to the left, it is sometimes even enjoyable. If nothing else, than for the mere joy of reading the written language of a man who calls his writing things like "A collective intellectual", "the Theorem of the decisive proportions", and "Investigation of the concept of Human Nature".
Freely translated, Gramsci says that philosophy is the critique of- and the victory over- common sense. Because common sense is nothing more than a collective ideology that we have inherited and been fed since we were born and in fact, common sense stands in complete opposite to good judgement.
He also discusses what being human means and focuses upon the organic feature of humanity, by defining each human being as a process or her actions. This means that individuality is derived not only from the individual, but also from other human beings and from nature itself. These human relationships are also organic, in the way that each person changes and modifies himself through the changing and modification of the complexity of his relationships with others and his surroundings. Finally, we truly become ourselves when we become fully aware of the nature of these relationships. 
Good, old, red Gramsci also generously reunited me with one of my favourite -isms that I had completely forgotten about.
Sophism: a) A plausible but fallacious argument
b) Deceptive or fallacious argumentation
How to juggle a Successful Relationship and a Fruitful Friendship with a person of the opposite Sex simultaneously
What NOT TO DO to a Friend that has expressed amorous feelings for you:
1. Make a grand gesture (call on special occasions, visit Friend in a foreign city, etc.)
2. Kiss Friend
3. Tell Friend you have no regrets about kissing Friend
4. Go to Friend's house and call Friend a coward for not initiating further physical contact
5. Kiss Friend repeatedly
6.... and leave the country!
The above provisions should be avoided if you have no intention of changing the nature of :
a) your friendship or b) your relationship.
the cookie jar analogy
Picture this:
There is a mother and her 8-year-old son, living alone together.
The two have a happy life together, living in the wealthy suburbs of a big city.
Nothing essential is ever missing in their life, and their stomachs always more than full.
It is important for the mother to keep her son healthy and she only allows candy and cookies on Saturdays.
One Wednesday evening they share a nice meal together.
Afterwards the mother sits down to read a book but hears noises from the kitchen.
She gets up and finds her otherwise so well-behaved son with a cookie in his mouth and his hands digging deep into the cookie jar.
Panicking at the sight of his mother's disappointment, the boy quickly spits the cookie out, throws the one in his hands on the floor and forever forgets about cookies altogether.
just a little thought...
/Best wishes from the cookie.
"what is more humiliating than finding the object of your love unworthy?"
it's true: it is boring!
Dedicating a few thoughts to my lost, but definitely not forgotten friends from Vienna.
Some of them further away than that right now, but all still close in my mind.
I know I've written about this before, but the importance of good friends cannot be emphasized enough.
And I know for sure I would not be here at this point in my life if it weren't for all those amazing people
that I have met along the way.
Lots of <3 for Beth, Michaela, Maja, Michele, Izidora, Ian, Danielle, Evi & Miriam. You are kuschel-zeit missed!
There are times when you are faced with choices between people, friends, lovers and opportunities.
Even more so as you grow up and realize you are running out of time.
I'm trying to choose wisely, but even more so I'm hoping to be chosen.
these little wonders
How can you stick to a game, when the rules keep changing?
I shall call myself Alice and play croquet with the flamingos.
In Wonderland everyone cheats, and Love is wonderland,
isn't it?*
* Jeanette Winterson
Just (do it to yourself)
He says: There's plenty more fish in the sea..
I say: Don't go away, go away.
how to descend from an 18 floor balcony.
I've been twisting and turning in this place that's too small.
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall.
Too much time has been dedicated to mull over problems that I am the only one wanting to solve.
covering reality with fancy words causes complication.
But what seems so complicated is actually crystal clear.
You want or you don't want.
you do or you don't do.
These are yes-and-no-questions. No tongue twisters, no brain teasers.
Anyways, time is up and game over (or on?).
I'm putting my golden pants on.
Cause i'm not lost- just undiscovered.
Fierce?
but as it seems, there is an explanation for everything.
Fear of loss causes retreat
Fear of discovery causes re-evaluation
Fear of confrontation causes you to hacerte la sueca and silently slip away.
who is the fool now?
Fear of being the victim of all the above mentioned scenarios
causes cynicism.
So yours for the taking.
so much for all the rationalizing, denial and projecting.
the freaking desperate preservation of my bubble.
- sometimes all it takes is a bucket of ice-cold water over your head.
and you see yourself in all your ridiculous daydreaming.
And you know it's time to stop.
ergo (NOT) sum?
If it is true that the brain develops and progresses when faced with problems it must seek to find solutions for, forcing it to create a labyrinth of new synapses; then emotional dilemmas should be like gym for the mind.
But, is it not so, that excessive thinking about anything- an idea, a problem, a person- in the end is bound to stifle the cerebral progress?
Somehow there must be a finite set of possible and potential scenarios (solutions, if you like) that fit each dilemma. And today I think my record started playing on repeat.
So, not only do I have to deal with moral degeneration, now my mind is also slowing down.
That's great, really.
fate and future; fearless.
More often than not I realize what vast amount of knowledge that is out there
just waiting to be acquired, waiting for someone to grab it and lift it up to the light
and how little time there is to find it all.
Sometimes I feel torn between two desires:
the first being neglecting all other things and throw myself in life-consuming professional life
on an international level and the second being the desire to just find my place, start something to call my own
- to be in love and to be satisfied.
Sadly, these two tendencies do not mix very well and it never seems to be a good time to make decisions.
The question is, does one look up, above and beyond because it is easier to detach, to replace than to make an effort right here? Or, conversely, does one give up too easily, settle for safety instead of attempting to reach one's real potential?
"Vi få ej välja ramen för vårt öde. Men vi ge den dess innehåll. Den som vill äventyret skall också uppleva det – efter måttet av sitt mod. Den som vill offret skall offras – efter måttet av sin renhet.” Dag Hammarskjöld.
my mind is... (XXV)
