One person's craziness is another's reality.

"Her drama was a drama not of heaviness, but of lightness.
What fell to her lot was not the burden,
but the unbearable lightness of being."

"three and a half girls"

If you are not dazzling with your trivia knowledge, there is always room to shine with your creativity.
Last night's pubquiz turned into a competitive maze of almdudler-spritzers, clubsandwiches and loud Austrians trying to answer questions about pretty much everything.
Unfortunately our team did not manage to score the most points (although we were awesome),
but we did receive a round of FREE shots for best and most creative team name!

Poor Mike had to take one for the team...
hope his manhood remains intact.

three glasses, please.

These days are filled with Blue October, Arabic and potential money-generating editing activities.
My brain is saying stop stop stop and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
But there is no time, and I am having way too much fun.

History for Sale....

..And I raised my hands as if to show you that I was yours
that I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking
That's then I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me..

Blue October at Szene Wien. September 22, 2009.


this is the current feeling.

Well, it WOULD be, if I was a hot actress called Alyson Hannigan.
In the meantime (while waiting for my metamorphosis)
I have to settle for consuming the new H&M Fall 2009 catalogue
and pretend I am rich and fabulous!

les temps sont durs pour les rêveurs

Autumn is my favourite time of the year.
Autumn is vanilla tea, Amélie Poulain, big cities and long walks with knitted scarves and gloves.
It is the smell of rain and wet leaves mixed with gasoline and the sound of the city.
heavy-scented incense and lit candles and hot cocoa.

Somehow, this morning I woke up in my feverish state of mind with my head full of memories of European cities, the sound of the coffee machines in Milan,  bohemian cafes in Strasbourg, sunset breezes in Cádiz and fika at Kulturhuset in Stockholm.

now I know that it is not simply that I have an obsession with cities (which I do), but because these places are connected in my mind to certain people that were emotionally tied to me at some point. And mostly because they are no longer tied to me, I spend a lot of time thinking about them.
And the cities come to represent all those lost feelings.

But cities are also fascinating per sé. They are the settings of great love stories; of random meetings of strangers who would have otherwise never met; the stage of thousands of opportunities to be found on street-corners, in cafés and in the dark hours of the night.

Les temps sont durs pour les rêveurs

Playlist: A Song is a City; Eskimo Joe

essential rejection

"I keep telling this story-different people, different places, different times
-but always you, always me, always this story,
because a story is a tightrope between two worlds."

lovers are continously replaced, but a friendship can never be revived in another person.
I cannot substitute one friend for another, - can you?

Dependency is a treacherous path towards helplessness
and even friendship may sometimes turn out to be just that
Jeanette Winterson says there is no love that does not pierce the hands and feet
and what about friendship?
the aftermath that should not exist, what comes after the end
they don't sing songs about that

if a lover turns you down; he looks at you and sees you are not what he was looking for
it is painful, but acceptable
when a friend turns his back; he looks at you and says "you are not good enough
even to be counted among the people that I call mine."
The rejection is not of friendship but of your very essence.

"It seems that we cannot know enough about this riddle of our lives.
We go back and back to the same scenes, the same words, trying to scrape out the meaning.
Nothing else could be more familiar. Nothing could elude us so completely."

how many times will you break til you're shattered?


- Is this how it ends? you said. 

" It is not ended yet."

- If only you could accept me as I am.

"This is where the wheel spins and spins."

- We just dig ourselves in deeper.

"We know all the common-sense solutions."

- You make it sound like floor cleaner.

"I don't know how to give you up", I said.

- You could re-write the story.

"I've tried, haven't you noticed?"

- Is there a better ending than either/or?

"I can't write it."

- Bloody, bloody absolutist.

Ich bin (auch) verliebt!

Somehow, during a walk in MuseumsQuartier last night, we stumbled on Austria Music Awards.
Behind an ocean of photographer you could see us sitting there, feigning pseudo-fame
and trying to look cool.
Mission failed.
Other people (actual celebrities) succeded however. Like the awesome girl in the video above.
I dont care what you say, I am in LOVE with Anna F.

change of plans and life-philosophy (possibly even the law of attraction)

It is final, I am prolonging my UN-experience and deepening my immersion in the world of human trafficking.
Will stay with my Awesome Collegues in the room with the low oxygen-level ;)

Hey, I put some new shoes on,
And suddenly everything is right,
I said, hey, I put some new shoes on and everybody's smiling,
It so inviting,
Oh, short on money,
But long on time,
Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine,
And I'm running late,
And I dont need an excuse,
'cause I'm wearing my brand new shoes

the Night that Killed the Living Room

Being at the UN tends to make you want to handle things sort of cautiously and with a certain measure of bureaucracy. So when we (and by WE I mean my awesome collegues from the office) wanted to go for drinks yesterday, we made sure to plan it one day ahead and draft a contract for all involved parties to ratify.

All day I was looking forward to said activity and after having feigned "hard-at-work"for about 5 hours,
it was finally time.
We headed down to the (in-?)famous DonauInsel and the sky was immensely pinkish; the evening promised well!
Ended up at La Cocina Mexicana with a pitcher of Sangria (Ein Pitcher Mit Sangria) and a waiter giving us looks of hatred. While eating and drinking, me and Beth kept dreaming about and lobbying for The Living Room, the most awesome bar at DonauInsel; an actual floating livingroom!
Finally we convinced the rest of the party to up and move to this great place that fullfills all your dreams.

But things were about to get fishy.
Something had happened to the Living Room.
A nasty, unidentifiable (but if I had to identify it I'd say a sophisticated mix of sewage and stable)
was covering the place.
We tried shifting tables a couple of times, but the smell seemed to be following us around.
Eventually we (semi-)identified the source to a strange-looking man at the bar.
But strangely enough we could find no traces of exasperation in the looks of the other people at the bar.
Was it just us?

The mystery was never solved.
We desperately drank our spritzers with eager speed
- and left.

after years of exclusion, I have finally been said to resemble a celebrity.
Kristen Stewart, anyone? Twilight freaks unite and let me know.

déjà vu

this feeling reminds me of an sms I received a couple of years ago and hit me with despair;
just four little words, laying the whole situation down;

"non mi sento ricambiato"

I guess I am realizing the motivation behind those small words that caused me so much aggravation.
and also that in situations like this there is nothing to be done.
it's just a matter of accepting or not accepting.


As my computer is non-functional due to severly fucked up electricity cable (ad infinitum, ad nauseam) and because of accumulated sleepdisorders, I came home yesterday and went straight to bed.
Closed the curtains and crawled under the covers at 20:00 and just stayed there.
Woke up this morning immensely disorientated (much like bears coming out of lethargy, I can only presume) and with surprisingly low energy level considering my charging period.

Must gather strengths for upcoming visit(s) and keep focused.
NOTE TO SELF: do not derail.
As the brain does not perceive, understand or register "not's",
I am in for a steep ride!

close encounter with the Austrian Law

After one month of constant praise of the Austrian public transportation, it was bound to happen...

Riding on the tram after a nice afternoon in the city, I was completely unprepared for what was about to happen.
In between two stations, a typically Austrian looking man comes up to me with a badge and asks to see my Fahrschein (ticket).
Condifently I rummage around in my bag and hands him my MonatsKarte.
The Austrian man looks at me, sighs, and says :
- Det ist Falsch!
I fibble with the card, look at him in disbelief and start explaining that I assumed a month card actually lasts for one month. Instead of understanding my reasoning, he stares at me saying:
- But you stamped it on FRIDAY!!! (as if the day of the week makes it so much worse).
And, as if the humiliation and shaming in this public place is not enough, the man asks for my ID-card and breaks out in a smile and nudges his older, quieter collegue in the ribs.
- Sie ist von SCHWEEEEEDEN, schau mal, eine Schweeeeedin!! as if I am some strange and rare animal.

Next thing I know, they both take me off the tram and direct me to the nearest ATM, where I obediently give them 70Euro and have to continute my trip home on foot.
what a lovely Sunday afternoon.


My absolute worst quality must be my complete inability to make decisions.
Life is All about Decisions.
If only you did not get emotionally attached to the situations in which you find yourself.
it would be so much easier.
But, sadly enough, attachment means clouded judgement, naivité and stupidity.
Rhyme and reason don't go well together with this thing called subjectivity,
which inevitably arises in every case of emotional attachment.

we keep priding ourselves on being the most developed creatures on earth.
But, really, what we have developed are obstacles
that keep us from reaching our potential.

trivia: redhaired people in Australia are called Orangs, referring to the terracotta-colored monkeys.
Thanks Aussie...

random vs. hand picked

Flipping through my calender as to not have to read more about the review of the assessment of the draft of the implementation of the toolkit of the handbook on the work against human trafficking (The UN likes long names with as many 'of's as possible) before lunch.

found an interesting note from March 19th saying "Random/hand picked". Nothing else.
And as I am currently open for distraction, it got me thinking.
Are the people in my life handpicked or did they randomly, accidentally fall into my lap?
Does it make any difference?
Sure, it sounds better to hear that you are officially chosen while others were dismissed,
but what is the actual difference in terms of outcome?
And what does it all say about me???

again, I am trapped in this destiny/no destiny dilemma.
I need that third way now?


"it is in classifications that life flashes through so tantalizingly,
in the registers that attempt to catalogue it and in so doing
expose its irreducible residuum of mystery and enchantment."
(Claudio Magris)

it is often in the small, tedious hours; just when you are about to get accustomed
to the mundane rhythm of your days that you find that hidden magic.
A fraction of a second, something flashes through you and you become aware
of the greatness that life is and how extremely clueless we really are.
How incredibly ungrateful.

And I know it is cheesy, but even meeting an understanding glance,
receiving a sincere smile, 
a strong hug, 
or hearing something honest from somebody that means a lot..
can make most of all the other bullshit go away.

Viennese View

From yesterday's walk along the Danube.
Night-time beauty

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