Scatterbrainy

All this time I spend in my own mind,

I always thought I was feeling my way through things, 

but really, I was just weaving myself narratives,

intricate, complicated slices of life, neatly served and ready for consumption.

 

Sometimes I catch myself unable to face things until I've composed the story

And I wonder if others do the same thing,

or if I am the only one constantly building towers for my own feelings

so that I know how to behave.

How to play out the story. 

 

Maybe now that the narrative is creaking, my behavior is becoming too obvious to ignore.

Maybe I needed the story to arch prematurely this time,

so that I could finally deconstruct it and simply live my way through things. 

Let everything happen to me- beauty and terror- without knowing beforehand how it is going to play out?

Trust that life is in the right, always?

Reacting instead of intuitively knowing how to act?

Sometimes falling apart instead of holding things together?