Scatterbrainy

Philosophy(a) about literature, language and discarded moments from the junkyard of my mind

Maverick (or how succeeding looks like failure)

Self-proclamation is tiresome. And these concerns for personal branding are exhausting.

Yet we do it,

all we do is [artificial] construction.

Building a career, shaping our profiles, creating networks, constructing our identities.

'For what, for whom?' a wise woman once taught me to ask at all times.

And here I stand, without a ready answer.

Some days I am plagued by the feeling of not having reached the height of my expectations.

Not having ticked all the things on the socially proscribed To Do-list.

I don't own a car, I have no boyfriend, am not thinking about children and I am still hungry.

Hungry for the next good thing. Eager for the coming experience to take my breath away.

But more often than not I am proud.

Proud of sticking to my guns, of never taking the easy way and of always wanting more, taking on more.

Of acting, perhaps, against better judgment, of being predictably irrational and aware of it.

I know my value and that there is much more in me that I want to bring out in the future.

Only in the eyes of others do I see disappointment, lack of understanding and, sometimes, resentment.

It is not my expectations, but the expectations of others on me that I fail to fulfill.

I am the flaky one, no real goals, no sense of duty or responsibility.

I am clueless, it seems. Confused, at best.

Moving from one place to the next, not considering the consequences, how it will look.

And even for someone with ambitions of being an island (entire of itself),

it is difficult to embrace the misunderstanding of others

So I am thankful for those with insights enough to jolt me out of my self-inflicted doubt and tell it like it is.

- But, you are a maverick!

Yes.

I am a maverick.

Synonyms include bohemian, deviant, enfant terrible, free spirit and lone wolf.

An unexploaded dream.



And that is just the way it should be.