Scatterbrainy

I suppose today should be all about the solstice or Newroz or other such worldy important events, but I am afraid I have no time to concern myself with such issues. So I leave it up to others to talk about that while I rant on about my own business.

I've recently come to the conclusion that I am suffering from some weird psychological defect when it comes to self-discipline. It is something related to perfectionism, yet in a strange kind of opposition to that.
I like to plan things thoroughly, step by step, to achieve perfection. This usually means that when I'm decided to do something I push it all the way and perhaps go a little overboard. However, it also means that if something along the way goes wrong I cannot keep going. Then the flow is broken and there's no way I am getting back on track.
This is an incredibly annoying feature of my personality as it makes me end up in a negative spiral more often than not.

Allow me to provide you with some examples. I decide to start going to the gym. I thus have two possible scenarios ahead of me; I either become a gym-aholic, spending all my free-time at the gym to the extent that I neglect other activities in favor of working out OR I start out going to the gym like the average Jane Doe and once I miss one scheduled session it is all down-hill and in the end I manage to drag my lazy ass to the gym only once a week if I am lucky.
To make sure you follow me, let's take a look at another possibility. I decide to study really really hard. Either I bury myself in studies, stop going to the gym, stop going out and literally MOVE to the library in order to immerge myself in studies OR I begin to be a good student, but then something happens and I fall behind, perhaps miss a class, forget an assignment which inevitably breaks the flow. Next thing I know I am avoiding exercise sessions on purpose, forgetting to buy course literature and being a generally reckless student.

The psychological reasons behind this behavior are hard to explain to a person with normal discipline functions. Something in my head tells me that unless true perfection can be achieved it is not worth the effort. It really is a All or Nothing kind of rationale. I guess I must be truly thankful that I've got a well-functioning metabolism or I would be suffering from enormous obesity....!