Scatterbrainy

"One day it was decided to call Love a set of strange, indescribable phenomena, is it pain?- But from the moment that the name is given to that burning in one's breast, the violence of the strangeness is interrupted and the ancient horror, hidden behind the new word, begins to be forgotten."




I am torn between the binary opposites again.
To force the inevitable or to laissez-faire, that is the real question.

Is it ever enough to just be. To just feel. To just do?
Or must everything to be planned, structured and heading somewhere predetermined?
Something inside me is yearning for reckognition,
Yet I can't break out of this mysterious nebulosa in which I've enclosed myself.
All this talk about social construction.
When it is really only my own perversly constructed obstacles that I am struggling to overcome.
Ironic?

"If thoughts and words were edible, I'd suffer from enormous obesity"

These words by Hélène Cixous have been my guide for quite some time and only now do I realize they are completely false.
Yes, I am full of words and thoughts but they aren't coming out.
When confronted with a situation, they are unmistakenly gone missing, I  cannot seem to find a single one.
It's like that story about the narrator with his head so full of quotes that he uses his notes to build a fort for his own protection.
I don't want to be that narrator any longer. I don't want to feed on thoughts.
I want to wash my face in truth and I wish the free air was as easy to use as a lined paper-sheet.