Scatterbrainy

Just got to thinking.
Sometimes we tend to make decisions concerning the people around us;
prioritize them and put some before others because we think they are best for us.
Or  perhaps we want something particular out of that relationship or its easier,
a better match or more conveniant even.
And most of the time we don't find out what we are missing, because those people
that we leave behind or almost forget about... well they have no real impact on our lives.

But sometimes they hang on to you and claim there place in your life
and suddenly you realize what a terrible mistake you did.
Recently this has happened to me a few times and it has become shockingly obvious
what a bad judgement I have when it comes to choosing people.
...............

Now I can't help thinking how different it all would have been
had I only set my prorities right from the beginning last year.
I know I am contradicting myself now
(but I contain multitudes)
as only recently I was endorsing all the minor coincidences and mistakes
that lead to happy endings.
Perhaps I must simply go through all possible theories to find my own belief.
Psychological theories are a lot like horoscopes anyway.
You want them to fit, you make them fit.
But what do you really believe?

I missed my chance, I misinterpreted the meaning
I was impatient, I was selfish and sometimes I was right
but mostly, I was evil and I did something wrong
consciously. Mercilessly.
But I was forgiven, and slightly forgotten.
I know somehow it shaped the last year and all the following events
Yet it is only now that I really feel the absence.
And the mistake that I made that October Night.